Square Poems

6 thoughts on “Square Poems”

  1. Well, Lewis Carroll’s poem didn’t make sense in line 5! “I would her will be pitied!” I would it not understand… pity…

    Just my honest opinion, might be harsh.

    I think yours made sense through and through BUT, you’re right, I like his better. But only because, after reading 3-4 of your poems, I’ve discovered all but one of those I’ve read somehow hint at a broken heart. That’s perfectly ok but if not even your imagination can heal, how will YOU? Also, how will you ever surprise your audience? Sure, people tend to read an author because they write a certain way or about certain things. Except, writing now has to compete with youtube, trash tv, and a million other things to get someone’s attention; you sure as hell wouldn’t want to become predictable or boring.

    The camel, in contrast, is really interesting. Too random for an honest poem, but interesting. Your options to keep ME interested (I can’t pretend I represent a demographic) means you incorporate some randomness next time you write a poem. Again, writing about a broken heart’s fine, but you could write about the emotion without any characters (no “him” or “her”), you could write about the heart that mended (and hopefully real life will soon follow), give it a new twist (maybe she broke HIS heart), make it something different (happy ending? they usually suck… but not if they’re surprising and believable – so hard to pull off), etc.

  2. Hey Mario,

    Thanks for the feedback. I will say as far as these poems making sense, you really should give a shot. It’s easier to see how it gets complicated after you’ve tried it yourself! I’m sure you’d come up with something very creative, too.

    IN regard to the topic of a broken heart, I guess there’s a redundancy in that theme because that’s when I write poems. I’m not a poet and therefore not inspired to write because I’m really happy or because I’m moved by springtime colors or what have you. Plus I LOVE to read depressing poetry and therefore like to write it.

    HOWEVER this particular poem’s inspiration is not about a broken heart; it’s about a girl who has just realized she’s pregnant from a guy whom she loves but who doesn’t love her, and she’s not going to tell him about the baby. it effectively changes her future but he goes on unaffected.

    though it might see like it, not all poems are strictly first person accounts 🙂

  3. Awesome! 🙂

    Well, I usually blame the theme of my writing on things I’m feeling or thinking about. I also usually assume other people have the same flaws I do (one of my flaws).

    I love it when you can ask people about their writing. I’ve unanswered questions about most things I’ve read! 😛

  4. I love to experience the storms
    love to feel the rain and
    to feel the thrill that’s thunder
    experience the thrill of wet sand
    the rain that’s wet. Wind and
    storms and thunder, sand and lightning.

  5. I was trying to find this poem after having seen it a while back, and happened upon your post.

    Almost a year late here, but I wanted to try clarifying the fifth line “Futility Closet”… “I would her will be pitied,” actually does make sense. The speaker would, by the woman in question, be pitied. The same message is reiterated in line six, in more straightforward language. “Cursed be love! She pitied me…”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s